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So, yeah…

Coffee, typos, and slow mornings

So, yeah… I find it oddly comforting that a small transposition on my name can alter my perspective of identity. My identity. How I think of myself. I was writing to my daughter’s first grade teacher last week, something about the school bucks she earns there and the school store being closed, and I typoed our last name in the subject header without realizing until I had already sent the message. Going through my inbox this morning, I saw the typo again and realized that I didn’t need to send the teacher a correction, she knew. Typos happen. But like those everyday words you look at, sometimes, and they look completely foreign, suddenly my surname looked completely foreign, as though I was not myself but someone named Doyje. And why not Doyje? Turkish, perhaps? North African? Uzbekistan? The I in I, as the saying goes, the you in me. We are all of us, together. Just a reminder, I suppose. No earth shattering time dimensional cracks did I fall into and find myself in an alternate world. No psychic transferrals and suddenly I’m a North African computer programmer stuck in a university library; nor an Irish-English web developer suddenly staring down colorful rugs draping a market stall. I was me. My coffee was black. My morning was slow.

The House of Belonging

They buried them in the corner nearest the gate,
where all the flowers once were.
An experiment at life
I remember tilling the corner,
spilling in the mulch,
transplanting the nursery purchases,
watching and waiting as they took root
and began to grow.

One of those sunshine memories that haunt you for practically ever

There were ripples on a lake, once
Driven by invisible winds
They pushed the big fish deeper,
Little fish
Deeper
The sun’s rays caught the ripples
Leapt from them
Bounced off others
Thinking all the while that they were the swimmers
Of the lake
And I’d come to watch them, driving
For hours to this small place
Nestled in the hills
Far from home
The longer I watched them dance, the deeper
The fish swam

The shoreline birthed rocks, large
and small
Smooth, and cutting
And beyond them haphazard rows of Pines
Sprouted from beds of fallen needles
Softly growing darker the longer I lingered
Between the water and the land

You can gauge distance by the birds’ piercing
Cries; a thicket of sound; chirp, chatter, screech, squawk
Waves rolling in and out through the trees
In languages they can’t all know
But I know
I know them all
And this is where I’ve come
To hear them gather and then flit
A dwindling cacophony
An intensity preparing for night

The nature of innocence is without fences
Without gates, bordered gardens
Or the after thought of uncoiled hoses
A spade leaning
Where it should not

These are not pets and these are not pests
They live for nothing
But in every way
They are alive
I do not tempt them and they do not
Tempt me
They do
They do

Post Equinox

Light shard, light shard
You phantom of heart
Do you devour
Past seasons of night
Merely to tease into lengthening
My stride for yours

Push Back Time

Oh that it could have been
A curtain, a screen, a cantilevered window frame
Jalosied, casement, or even one of those little ones
In the basement
Lift it pull it throw it up in a dash
Crank it push it prop it open
Let those currents in
All those currents and some of these
Mingle swirl convect this stale heat
Away
Tick tock this clock
Suffer smother

Crazy Dreams

Now I had a dream
And you were in it
Exciting to say
That you were so close
So real
But I can’t remember
If we touched
Dreams are funny

I remember only staring
Into crystal blue space
The deepest reaches
Of twin universes
I remember how I felt them move and shift
Until they were deep inside me
And I looked down
Toward curving lips
And I felt my breath still
My heart skip
Uncontrollably I wanted
To kiss
But you were gone

Waving

Super-charged by wind and gravity
Teased out of annihilation

To rise and swell and race
Jagged toward shore

I crest and thunder and roar
Teeming with energy and life

Magnificent, dangerous as any
Reckoning come crashing

To lap at your feet
Pulled by the ocean back into that form

You once and always were.

Hearts and darts and coronets

It took us all this time to find
There is no such thing as fate
There are no destinies
Twinned to a predestination
We look through the same glass each day
Holding onto the same truths
We found fond in yesterdays
And keep private and dear
We run the same lines
Day after day
The weight of our truths
A covering shell
And in our darker moments
The clearing ahead of us
Shines with a light that never quite reaches
To where we stand
A tree line impermeable
As Hoover dam
Holding back the shadows
Of today over the remains
Of a watery past

Perchance the eyes of beauty
Cascade that same light
Quick, caught, a beat unexpected
Uncanny, iridescent
Traveling lengths
That do not quench the lie of desire
A light that wells over like flooded barriers
Breached and carrying us home
Safe in the truths we keep

This is the distance
A life does run
The test, the rapture
The catch in our fall
Horizon’s rising sun.

Divine Wind

Kamikaze indeed
Like a breath of fresh air
She swooshed then howled
Through my life, her purpose
To destroy, to lay low all
That stood in her way
But all good bombs know they need
More than air, a spark is needed, ignition
To tear away a path from the present
Tinder. A bit of concussive electricity
Or good old-fashioned
Caloric heat. Intense. Turned up.
Call it eleven on the dial.

Do you want to know a secret?
Boom.

Glass Elevator

Outside looking in as elevators
Descend and glide
Up, down
Occupied
Or not
Diversion’s are necessary
On trains stopped mid track
Soon the point no longer is
These cars
Or the people inside
The mother with one hand
Around her child’s and one
On the phone
Is just the same as the white dress
Smoothing out skirts
While texting out loud
They go up
They go down
But the point now is the pulley
The hydraulic cables looping below
Each car as it glides
Tethered umbilical
To a skyscraper’s frame
This is the point now
The inner workings of how
Why has gone
As the train rolls again
And the window becomes
Just blue skies
And clouds

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